We thought the crew tag was freaky cool, but our roadie wasn’t buying it. Maybe he didn’t understand that it was the equivalent of an all access pass, allowing him to hang out in a green room full of shockingly attractive groupies, complicated snacks (some of which include truffle oil) and bottled water carried from alpine heights in ceramic urns recovered from sunken shipping vessels that went down sometime around the era of the Peloponnesian wars.
The fact that is that we have none of those things is not an obstacle for us, our imaginary green room is… awesome. We might be saddled with a bizarrely active collective imagination for a crew of supposed adults. Our roadie repeatedly gave us that look, you know the one, the one that says, “Really? This is how you behave?” But by gig three he was wearing his tag and rolling cables and hauling gear and snapping pictures from the stands and generally indulging our ridiculous commentary.
Plus, he won me over permanently by laughing at my grammar jokes, raising the bar for future Castaways roadies everywhere. We’ve been spoiled by his good humor, his indulgence of our ridiculous conversations, and his willingness to move heavy objects from one place to another and then back again. Last night, after his last gig with us, we asked what he was doing with his crew tag. “I’m hanging it in my dorm room!” Our roadie, G., is off to college and we are really going to miss him.
In the spirit of all corporate layoffs, our HR guy (and obtrusive percussionist) Pete, told G-Roadie to write up a job description before he gave up the hard life of rock and roll for academia, history, perhaps. Here’s what we got.
The Castaways Roadie:
The Roadie for The Castaways must be able to complete a variety of jobs. These include, but are not limited to, the following:
[Editor's note: Just LOOK at that proper use of commas!]
- Carry all band equipment, including ukuleles, percussion, music stands, and speakers.
- Help set up and take down the equipment.
- Take pictures during shows for The Castaways Facebook and website.
- Ensure that the sound during shows is well mixed, and no one is too quiet.
- Be able to re-string a ukulele. This is a rock band, and strings break.
- Also, be sure to resupply band members with picks, if they drop theirs.
- Help sell merchandise.
- ALWAYS WEAR THE ROADIE BADGE!!!
He left off something critical for the new guy: Be as awesome as Castaways Roadie #1. Godspeed, Roadie G, Godspeed.
PS: The Castaways are seeking a new roadie. We pay in imaginary glamor only, though odds are good someone will feed you. You must understand grammar, have an indulgent sense of humor, and be game for whatever happens next.